To our friends scattered to and fro,

It goes without saying, but March blew by like a strong gust of wind.

Definite highlight was the 3 visitors that were here for 2 weeks 🥰

But honestly do Deborah and her children count as visitors? It been almost a year since she’d spent more than a flying weekend here- so we savored a more relaxed time. Alexander got a truck ride with Grandfather and Maria was VERY willing to get in on the experience too.

Deborah turned Mothers kitchen into a calzone factory and Mother and I both have a stash of breakfast, pizza, cheeseburger, and chicken bacon ranch calzones in the freezer. I’m trying to save some til after the baby comes- but it’s not easy 😂

Julia won Aunt of the year by bringing a large plastic watering trough into the garage and filling it with soybeans. The kids spent HOURS playing out there. Farm life at its finest.

They also put a few more miles on Grandfathers pedal tractor collection. The big boys are strong enough to drive them now. The one year olds- not so much- but that didn’t keep them from attempting to claim their spots. Some occasional refereeing was definitely needed 😅

Nate was on tour with We Care, and it was super special to have him around for one day when they stopped in Dayton for a banquet. I stole this pic of him and Maria off of their Facebook page. 🥰

I’m not sure if it was more fun listening to the twins and Zander and their innocent chatter, or trying to chase down the 1 year olds. But there was plenty of entertainment all around.

And I was glad for it. Ben had the chance to help a friend run a load to Portland, OR and so he jumped at the opportunity. They reloaded with apples in the Yakima Valley.

I attempted to keep the home fires burning and enjoyed the photo feed, but was so so thankful when he arrived home a week later. What an adventure!

Another very special event was an open house/baby shower that kind friends threw for us.

I’ve kinda been looking for anything jungle/lion/ROAR (hoping Baby Rohrer 🦁 is a tame one 🥰) and they did such a cute job including that with the shower. (Side note: Father gave the little bootie flower vase to my mother a few years ago when their oldest daughter was born 😅🥹❤️)

Sweet and Savory Crepes with so many options, yogurt parfaits, and egg and ham cups.

I looked longingly at this sugary goodness, but the low sugar muffins were a real treat too.

Bless these sweet ladies for all their hard work!

The kind ladies at church threw us a shower too and I set everything out for Ben to look at once he got home. It hit me again what a gift community is. Our baby has no idea how loved he or she is already. Such an undeserved blessing 🥹❤️

After Mr Rohrer had properly acknowledged all the gifts, we got the nursery all set up and everything more or less in its new home. Now to wait… 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

And so waiting we are.

Savoring lots of good memories in the mean time,

Kendra

Bonus Pic:

A shower is a very confusing event when you’re 3 and 4 years old. Deborah said that Alexander could not wrap his brain around what a “shower for Aunt Ken could be and why people were invited to it” 😂

Here’s a screenshot of FaceTiming the Showalter boys because they wanted to see our shower gifts. They got a pack of jungle animal masks and they were excitedly watching to see which animal gift I’d show next- they’d rush to find the appropriate mask : “A MONKEY! WAIT! DON’T MOVE!” 😂😂

Inspired by all the adorable Resurrection Gardens that are popping up all over social media, I lumbered out into the woods behind our house.

I asked Ben where he suggested looking for moss, and he calmly stated “I hate to sound smart, but the north side of a tree” So armed with bucket and a small shovel (and a compass 🤪) I began the search.

The woods are just coming alive and there’s something invigorating about wandering through them. I wished I had my nephews with me, because the project was for them- but all the moss in their neck of the woods is charred at best. Oh well, satisfied with my finds; I loaded everything up and headed to Paradise Lane.

The twins just started Sunday School and they are very enthusiastic about their Bible knowledge, so we had a brief recap over the Resurrection story: how Jesus died on the cross and was put in a tomb but He didn’t stay there! He rose again and if we believe in Him, His death covers our sins and we can go to Heaven to be with Him.

(I’m not sure we totally understood the story- at one point one of the 4 year olds asked in a hush tone “Was Mama there?!” No bud-this happened a bit before Mama was born 🫣)

Then we got to work.

At first they just watched me laying out the tiny terracotta “tomb” and the stones and covering everything with moss. But they warmed up more and more and had opinions about the placement of the cross and different rocks. They rolled the stone back and forth across the empty grave and their excitement grew.

“AND we need a campfire!” This motion was proposed, seconded, and carried and the meeting adjourned before Aunt Ken knew what happened.

“Oh well, it’s their project, and I love the creativity” I thought so I carefully started laying out stones while my excited helpers rushed outside to find twigs for a campfire for the Resurrection scene. “Four year olds” I smiled to myself.

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It wasn’t until I got home that the significance of the campfire over Easter weekend hit me.

Remember how Peter promised that he would stand by Jesus no matter what? Even after Jesus warned him that he’d deny him 3 times, Peter was confident in his unwavering loyalty.

Mark 14 tells us that Peter was sitting with the guards “warming himself by the fire” while Jesus was on trial in front of the Sanhedrin. A servant girl stopped and said “aren’t you with the man on trial?” And Peter denied knowing Jesus.

He moved away from the fire, but stayed in the entry way and vehemently denied the next two accusations that he even knew Jesus.

And then Jesus turned and caught Peters eye and a rooster crowed and Peter left and cried brokenly.

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I’d never stopped to think about the campfire in the resurrection story and how personal it is to me.

But if I’m being honest- I’m spending way too much much time by that campfire. I’m just hanging around, watching, thinking about the uncertainty that’s ahead of me- I know Jesus is able. But what if the amount of blood thinner that I’m on creates a major problem during the birth of our child?

I’m hunkered over it, pondering the unstableness of the chicken world and wondering what’s ahead.

My eyes fill with smoky tears and I feel so sad and defeated. And yet there I stay: wrapped in my own thoughts, worrying and overthinking-keeping my pain for myself and denying giving it over to Jesus.

I could be kneeling at the cross and dropping these burdens and resting in the fact that Jesus knows the end from the beginning and nothing is too big for Him to handle.

Or I could be dancing with joy in front of the empty tomb- Praising God that He is victorious and faithful and will always make a way.

Jesus knew what He was saying when He referenced learning from little children. I’ve got a lot to ponder on.

I believe, help my unbelief!

Kendra

Last Wednesday dawned like any other day. Well technically it didn’t, because the day before, Mother got a call that her knee replacement surgery was bumped up 2 days, so she and Em were sailing for the local hospital to be the first surgery of the day.

But other than that things were normal. Ben was trucking and he mentioned that loading grain in the brisk breeze wasn’t much fun, so I made the executive decision to not hang out laundry after all.

Then the current started blinking on and off and I watched a 30 foot wave of leaves and chicken litter sail past the kitchen window. Strange.

The house shook with the gusts of wind and I watched the bird feeder blowing horizontally until I finally braved the elements and brought them inside, lest they escape the hook they were hanging on and became a flying missile straight into the innocent pickup sitting near by.

And then Julia messaged me: “Hey they say there’s a fire on Peake Mtn Rd, I’m not home. Do you know anything?”

Well that’s not cool, but I assured her that if there was anything to know, Em would be up to speed with her fire and rescue info.

A bit later, Julia messaged again “I came home. It’s really close. I’m petrified”

Then Father threw more info on the situation: “Everybody’s calling me wondering if we need help to move out. Sherman and I are about an hour out. But we’re coming as fast as we can.”

So I fastened down everything that hadn’t already blown away on our farm and went too.

The smoke was billowing through Eden Valley engulfing everything, making it impossible to see what was what.

I joined the convoy sailing back Paradise Lane, unsure what we were going to find.

There were already men there, hooking up water hoses, patrolling the stall barns, watching carefully the ash-filled smoke that was falling everywhere.

And Julia standing in the back yard with Gideon in her arms in a state of shock.

I know everything makes me feel teary at this stage, but the fact that with minutes there were atleast 20 men (with so many more on standby) there ready to spring into action if the situation went south, was incredible.

The sheriff rolled in and out of the lane updating everyone on the situation and shortly after he informed us that it was within a 100 yards, the wind calmed a little and shifted. Thank you Jesus.

Gideon and I stayed in the house mostly, pacing from window to window trying to figure out what was happening.

A fire truck arrived much to Gideons amazement and a brush truck. (Reports filtered in that because of the excessive amount of sudden wildfires, there weren’t many units available)

And we watched and waited.

And prayed and prayed and prayed.

The fire line became visible from the house, but still moved slowly. Thank you Jesus.

Eventually duty called me elsewhere and I left the window watching to someone else. But the patrol continued for hours. Bless the firefighters and the volunteers who relentlessly protected the homes on Paradise Mountain.

As I watched Julia trying to think through the reality of what was irreplaceable in her house if something changed horribly and we had to flee, I kept thinking of the hymn “Til the Storm passes By” I took the liberty to change a few words.

In the dark of the midnight have I oft hid my face

While the storms howl above me, and there’s no hiding place

‘Mid the crash of [this windstorm], precious Lord, hear my cry

Keep me safe ’til the storm passes by

‘Til the storm passes over, ’til the [wind] sounds no more

‘Til the [smoke] clouds roll forever from the sky

Hold me fast, let me stand in the hollow of Thy hand

Keep me safe ’til the storm passes by

Many times Satan whispered, “There is no need to try

For there’s no end of sorrow, there’s no hope by and by”

But I know Thou art with me, and tomorrow I’ll rise

Where the storms never darken the skies

‘Til the storm passes over, ’til the [wind] sounds no more

‘Til the [smoke] clouds roll forever from the sky

Hold me fast, let me stand in the hollow of Thy hand

Keep me safe ’til the storm passes by

The neighbors cows amazed me- calmly munching on grass, seemingly not aware of the surrounding danger.

Smoky sunset

📸: Sherman on the 11 pm patrol

3.20

3.21

Yesterday I drove back in Paradise Lane, slower this time. There’s burnt forest the entire way. It runs through the neighborhoods flowerbed the entire way to the lane, but the houses stand unharmed. The trees aren’t any worse for the wear, but the undergrowth took a beating- that’s not a bad thing. There’s still a down tree or two that’s smoking. But it’s calm now.

I’m so thankful to God above for keeping us safe in the Hollow of His Hand. There are others who are dealing with harsher realities after the smoke clears, but I pray that they feel the reassurance of resting in the Father’s Hand in their story too.

“But I know Thou art with me, and tomorrow I’ll rise, where the Storms never darken the skies.”

Kendra

Bonus Pic:

And how’s Mother’s recovery? There’s no way through this without pain. Her incision caused some drama when it started bleeding persistently, but thankfully that seems to be calming down. Em has been faithfully caring for her even while eating her heart out to be helping with the excitement on the mountain. She was on breakfast duty for several mornings over the fire and guess who couldn’t just sit in the living room and watch. Here’s Mother, fresh out of surgery helping put together 24 breakfast sandwiches. 📸: Em

Basically everyday starts the same in my world. I head to the couch armed with an ice pack, a shot of Lovenox and a cup of coffee. And I sit in the stillness and listen to the big Grandfather clock in the corner of the living room tick away.

That’s a lot of how I’d sum up my current season. The silence on the blog reflects that. There’s plenty of positive things here, but I wouldn’t be telling the truth to say that this adjustment period has been completely smooth sailing. But we’re getting there.

I remember studying about the doldrums in school. I went to Google to double check my memory: The “doldrums” is a popular nautical term that refers to the belt around the Earth near the equator where sailing ships sometimes get stuck on windless waters.

I don’t know if the ability to nap for hours at a time would count as doldrums- but that’s definitely where I am. Praying that with a new season will come the return of energy.

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Early last month as soon as we could get away from the farm, we took a quick trip south. I didn’t realize how solar powered I must be. The warm air, blue skies, and bright sunshine was a true gift.

We loved having our own little place where we could cook all the fresh veggies that our hearts desired 😂 Fresh greenbeans in February are a treat!

And spending time with friends made it even more worthwhile.

When the adults rented bikes for the week, I knew that was out of the question for me. But when friends offered me a spin on their 3 wheeled battery powered bicycle- I thought I had it made 😂

Pinecraft in February really is a unique experience.

All too soon, duty called and we were returning to the northland. Recharged and ready to face reality.

Especially when reality is this full of stories and the best sprinkle sprinklers in the county 😂 We made cake pops before Aunt Ken realized she needed to watch her sugar 😏 so this is a very sweet memory 😂

My Aunt Ella recently sent me part of Ps 139:

14 I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.

15 My substance was not hid from thee, when I was made in secret, and curiously wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.

16 Thine eyes did see my substance, yet being unperfect; and in thy book all my members were written, which in continuance were fashioned, when as yet there was none of them.

17 How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! how great is the sum of them!

18 If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand: when I awake, I am still with thee.

In the stillness of the clock ticking, I easily overlook the truth in these words. God knew my story before I was born. And He thinks about me more times than the fine grains of sand on the Siesta Key Beach 🤯

²³ Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts:

²⁴ And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

So thankful for a Loving Heavenly Father whose care and provision is constant no matter what.

Kendra

“It’s a precious thing to be communicating to children, helping them discover the gift of language and thought.” -Richard Scary

“Aunt Ken, can you read my a story?” Bright blue eyes eagerly searched mine.

Soon we were knee deep in a Little Golden Book from my childhood- learning from the wisdom of Richard Scary.

“If I write a letter to someone I love… then someone I love might write a letter to me!”

“Aunt Ken what’s a yetter? Like the alphabet?”

“Well” my brain scrambled to find the right 4 year old terms “a letter is what you send somebody in the mail when you want to talk to them but you can’t go for a visit.”

And soon the conversation turned to sending emoticons and Snapchats and FaceTiming their aunts. Children of an instant world. And snacks- we can always talk about snacks.

So Aunt Ken purposed in her heart to help the twins write a “yetter.” One goes to Cousin Alexander and one to a cousin on the Showalter side.

We ended up having so much fun writing letters that we wrote a whole bunch- including one that we snuck into the mail to surprise Mama.

Sometimes we used words and sometimes we drew pictures- like to describe how fast the bike ride earlier in the day went (“this is ALLLLLL smoke.”)

Once they got rolling the letters included some coaching from Aunt Ken and a lot of 4 year old originality. “Dear cousin Benjamin, I drew this picture of you. You have big hair on this picture. Maybe you need a haircut. Mama gave us a haircut. What are you planning to do today? I’m planning to have Mama go on a trip somewhere so I can have someone sleep in the top bunk of our new bunk bed. But probably not Aunt Ken, she’s too big. (*editors note: while this letter was scribed by Aunt Ken there was no coaching involved.)

And so it went. We carefully chose stamps and tried to understand the difference in a stamp and a sticker.

Then we sealed the envelope and all rode up front in Aunt Ken’s truck out to the mailbox.

And now we wait.

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Occasionally the boys remember their letter and wonder how its trek is going.

But the truth is- 4 year olds aren’t the only ones who are products of an instant world: Aunt Ken has had this blog marinading for a long time, waiting so the mail is a surprise when it arrives in Alabama… And she’s wondering too😅

My front row seat of watching my nephews learn is delightful. And in a round about way, I understand waiting differently as I learn with the twins. After my last post on resting, being still and waiting- I can’t help but wonder- if this perspective shift is a gift from our Heavenly Father. In a small way, I understand His role in my personal journey.

He knows my lack of understanding what’s happening. He knows the time it takes for the next step to arrive. He hears my questions and understands my heart and distracts me with snacks and all manner of good things… He loves me.

Thank you, Jesus

Aunt Ken

I got this idea as I watched the excitement buzz at Julia’s over the carefully wrapped gifts piled on the table. Are the twins old enough to pick out gifts for their parents? They love (or “yove” as they say) being on the receiving end of all the gift giving- but I want to help give them a chance to experience the joy of giving. So I concocted a plan and instead of babysitting them at their house on Thursday, I loaded all 3 boys up and hit the town.

We had a blast- I had a number of errand to run and we stopped by the Dayton Market to splurge on a soft pretzel (by policing the pretzel like mad I managed to get about 3 small bites lol)

And then it was time.

I tried to get their little brains rolling as we turned into the Dollar Tree’s parking lot. “Boys- this gift is going to be for Mama and Papa. You can each pick something out. But try to think of something they would like…” I wondered how this was going to go.

Fortunately they think riding in a shopping cart is the best thing ever, so we piled in and they started navigating. “Look! A green tree plate! Mama doesn’t have one of those! I bet she’d YOOOOVE a tiny camper! [Christmas tree ornament 😂] “THE TOY AISLE! I bet we could find something for Papa here!” (Aunt Ken mysteriously steered the other way)

But then it happened- “BATH BOMBS! Mama YOOOVES bath bombs!!” Isaiah found a purple heart that he chose and Uriah found a set of several bath bombs and we moved on to knocking Papa off the list.

We turned onto the candy aisle and right away Isaiah spoke up “Papa YOOOVES sunflower seeds!” (Sunflower seeds weren’t anywhere on my radar but he had a valid point. His shopping was done💪🏼) Uriah found some taffy that they were sure would be Papa approved. We made our purchases and hurried out the door.

The chatter from the back seat was ongoing as we headed home. “Aunt Ken can I give it to Mama as soon as I get home?”

“Well, I think it’s a good idea to wait, but it’s your decision. I’ll help you wrap it and then we can hide it until Christmas Day!”

“Aunt Ken- can you give it to me?! I mean to me to give to a mama?!”

“Sure Bud- the gift is for Mama- but it’s from you!”

And so it went.

Once home we snuck past mama into their bedroom and they had their first lesson in the beauty of gift bags.

Then it happened. “Yets give it to Mama RIGHT NOW!”

So they flew out the hallway and cornered Mama in the kitchen.

Julia loves surprises on Christmas and she tried to persuade them to wait- but they would not relent. After a feeble “But what does Aunt Ken say?” (To which they assured her “she says it’s up to us to decide”) She accepted her gifts with a flourish while two little 3 year olds danced around exclaiming over exactly why they’d selected what they had. And saying “Merry Chrissmiss” and giving out big hugs.

Exactly what Aunt Ken was hoping for (except a few days ahead of schedule 😂)

And then the one twin came up with the immediate suggestion that it would be a good idea for him to go take a bath with the bath bomb he’d just gifted Mama. (So we’ve still got some gift giving lessons to learn 😂❤️)

Maybe it’s because Ben and I decided to put our money towards setting up a nursery and building a shop this year instead of giving gifts but I’ve been thinking about this a lot recently. Most of the time-I love gift giving. When you’re able to come across exactly the right item for the recipient- it just makes my heart happy. It’s fairly easy to drop a few bucks and feel good about life.

But there’s are a number of 3 year old twin strategies in me that doesn’t shine in the giving department. For example- I’m not good at giving freely of my time. When I have my day planned out and the phone rings and somebody needs me to totally change my schedule for the day- I want to quietly sneak to the bathtub with the precious bath bomb in tow.

I’m happy to give… on my terms… But what about being able to give freely with a selfless heart? And how much joy am I missing out on because I’m stingy?

In Matthew 10, Jesus sends his disciples out to the lost in Israel and he gives them instructions “As you go, proclaim this message: ‘The kingdom of heaven has come near.’” {{And (in Kendra’s words) take the time to help with the needs around you}}. “Freely you have received; freely give.”

Hebrews 13:8 And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased.

1 Timothy 6:17-19 Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment. Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share. In this way they will lay up treasure for themselves as a firm foundation for the coming age, so that they may take hold of the life that is truly life.

This type of a season of giving doesn’t stop on Christmas Day and doesn’t have anything to do with how much money you’re able to roll out. I’m challenged to find ways to be a cheerful giver- all year long.

Merry Christmas!

Kendra

Bonus Pics:

The only Christmas cookie Mr Rohrer requested were sugar cookies (specifically cut-out sugar cookies.) “AAAAAND,” he promised “I’ll even help ice them.” Turns out that he’s pretty much a professional.

Every day for the last 10 days, Timber the deer has been pranking the twins leading up to their birthday. On this day, he was innocently roasting a mini marshmallow over a candle. What Aunt Ken didn’t count on was the marshmallow actually roasting and dropping into the candle and catching on fire 😂 The boys brought in their toy fire truck and soon peace was restored. But it was definitely almost an #auntfail

Firemen on duty 😂💪🏼

I’m dreaming of a Smoky Mountain Christmas

With the kids around the fireplace stringing popcorn for the tree

I’m dreaming of a Smoky Mountain Christmas

With nothing much that money buys, but everything worthwhile in life

Dreaming of a Smoky Mountain Christmas (-Dolly says it best )

“Does it suit y’all to meet us in the Smoky Mountains mid December?” I don’t remember who hatched the idea originally but I know that Deborah spent a PILE of time finding a house big enough for our entire family. The destination was almost exactly halfway between Virginia and Alabama. The date was set for last weekend. Excitement level was high.

We spent the best 48 hours in Waynesville, NC celebrating Christmas, Thanksgiving, Nate’s 30th, and the twins birthday. Basically somebody was giving or receiving gifts all weekend long 😂 But it wasn’t a problem because there were 3 Three year olds who were happy to unwrap gifts for anybody at a moments notice. lol

We feasted heartily…

Isaiah giggled for an entire week in advance thinking about the little smokies his Mama was taking to the Smokies for her appetizer supper. We heard his joke all weekend 😂🥰

The weather wasn’t very favorable but we got out and hiked a little and the twins were pumped to find sticks and moss to “take home to the museum” 😉

Mother gave each of us girls a blanket that she’d made from Grandmother Horst’s dresses. There are a lot of memories in these squares.

We played a very exciting game of tag where the person who was “IT” was blindfolded and everyone else wore bells and if you got shot by the Nerf gun, you were out.

The boys watched in awe from behind a screen and I discovered their commentary quite helpful when I was blindfolded “ GET UNCLE NATE! HE’S ON THE GROUND!! NO NOT THERE!!!! THERE!!!”

Uriah, Alexander, Maria, Gideon, Isaiah and the most exciting hot chocolate party on this side of the Mississippi 😂❤️

Honestly- can’t handle ❤️

So grateful for our whirlwind weekend and for the gift of family…

But most of all, I’m thankful for the generous gift- Jesus’s life and sacrifice on this Earth and the blessed hope of eternal life. What a reason to celebrate!

Will definitely be dreaming of a Smoky Mountain Christmas for years to come.

Kendra